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According to an article in “Public Discourse”, the Journal of the Witherspoon Institute, multigenerational living is trending. In the piece titled “Multigenerational Living: A Step Back to Healthy Communal Life,” author Frank DeVito writes: “Multigenerational living is a healthy antidote to a lack of community, through the bonds of relationship.”
He goes on to suggest: “A living arrangement that is open to housing elderly parents or other extended family members can be a recipe for raising healthy children.” He continues with the advantages children experience with different generations and not isolated by themselves or their own age group.
A USA Today article cites a 25-year-old moving back in with his parents, and while that scenario “drives the trend, Pew Research has also tracked an uptick among older age groups, with some households going so far as to build out space for their extended family. It’s a departure from the nuclear family structure that has become standard practice in America, and multigenerational living advocates say there’s reason to celebrate a trend that offers both emotional and financial perks.”
In another study, Americans 65 and older were once the most likely age group to live in multigenerational houses, more than half of them in 1900. It’s possible Social Security and Medicare, along with the Baby Boomers being the most wealthy generation the country has ever seen, contribute to the oldsters being more independent with their late life housing choice.
One Success Story
The most common reasons for melding home life are financial challenges, aging and caregiving needs. Some families, like the McCarthys in Giles County, set themselves up before the oldsters need help, while they can participate in family activities.
“In February of 2019, our son Matthew and wife Valerie found the family home they were looking for on a blueberry farm on 17 acres,” says his mom, Lois McCarthy. “They had been coaxing us to move closer, and this seemed like the right time and the right fit.” One week after the younger couple and their three children settled into the farmhouse, Lois and her husband, David, moved into the garage apartment. Their youngest of seven children, Carrie, 18, took up residence in an RV.
The grandchildren often scramble upstairs to “Nana and Mac’s ‘partment”, and jump on the kind bed to have stories read. Lois helps with homeschool two days a week, and they watch the kids for date nights or getaways for the parents. “We share many meals randomly, and one favorite time is hanging out on the wide front porch in an evening breeze.”
David is building a house up the lane, mostly by himself, and they’ll move there some day. He is the resident handyman and farmer, managing 723 blueberry bushes. He sells berries at the farmer’s market, and Lois handles the U-pick for about six weeks in August and September.
“David and I are living the grandparent’s dream,” Lois declares. “ We never want to take for granted this privilege, this gift of living life so close to our children and grandchildren. Life is sweeter, richer, more purposeful with family! Six years now under one roof, and counting. We know each other well, and we still love one other. David and I feel cared for and know we will continue to be cared for when we move up the lane into our own house and slip into later years.”
The elder McCarthys are in their 60s. Matthew and Valerie are in their 40s. The grandkids are 11, 9, and 7. There are 22 years between Matthew, their oldest, and Carrie, the youngest, and this has given her a chance to get to know her big brother, who was married before her earliest memories.
Among the advantages are strengthened family bonds, sensible financial arrangements, assistance with childcare and home life, and the final leg of caregiving for the grandparents, and in some cases, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles and assorted close friends and relatives.
Possible Obstacles and Concerns
On the flip side, many people, older folks especially, can be set in their ways. Some may have bad habits and lifestyles that simply cannot mesh with younger generations. When financial or caregiving situations force the conversation, these are some of the points to cover:
• Where to live
• How to divvy up living space for privacy
• Who pays for what
• Who does what
• Kitchen rules and meals
• Outside help
• Parking
• Grocery and other shopping
• Communal time
• Quiet time
• Guests
• What happens if …
• Conflict resolution plan
Builders are getting into the act with homes featuring two full master suites, space over a garage, a small apartment in a walk-out basement with a private entrance and walls which can be easily opened to add an accessory dwelling unit (ADU) or granny flat. They are incorporating universal design concepts, along with great rooms and large gathering spaces, plus independent suites with kitchenettes.
The largest challenge may be loss of privacy, not just on the personal front, but also if or when home health aides are needed. Nurses, physical therapists, occupational therapists and a host of others make house calls for possibly a parade of extra people in daily life. Well-meaning friends, relatives and neighbors may show up a little too often.
Clarity with communications is imperative, addressing the above, along with personality quirks and potentially annoying habits. To make it work for everyone, there may need to be frank talk and a solid plan for conflict resolution.
Once the details are hammered out, the plunge is taken, and everyone finds their place in the new multigenerational environment, the years together can be marvelous. Each generation might teach another one skills and share memories and insight. The caregiving for oldsters is priceless. Children can develop into more sensitive, sympathetic, warm-hearted teens and adults. Everyone will tap into reserves of patience, kindness and even tolerance in a home setting where family is important and love is abundant.
Text by Joanne M. Anderson
Photos courtesy of the McCarthy family
Photos courtesy of the McCarthy family
