An Introvert’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays
Text by Nancy S. Moseley
It’s a lot. The holidays. Autumn can seem quite peaceful, with the slow temperature turn, the drizzle of dead leaves, when coffee goes from iced ridiculousness back to its natural state.
But let’s be honest. We all know, when dawn cracks the day after Halloween, while the candy is still corroding our teeth, the Polar Express pulls up out front signifying GO time. Except instead of a choo-choo train, it’s one of those roller coasters that shoots forward from stop to “where’s my stomach” in three seconds. If there is any doubt in my declaration, turn on the radio that day. Or go to Hobby Lobby, like, a month previously.
Then the invites start coming in. The single friend invites everyone to Friendsgiving, the office party gets scheduled at a [hopefully] decent restaurant, there are boozy tree-trimmings every weekend, freezing extra-long parades, white elephant parties, school pageants with “singing” children maniacally shaking bells, caroling (awkward for singers and listeners), drive-through nativities, drive-by lighting tours, cookie exchanges. Ten Lords a-leaping, it must be the holidays!
For card-carrying introverts, it’s tough to find the balance of being the group Grinch and skipping it all or saying “yes” to everything to avoid negative chatter and nagging guilt.
Let’s take comfort in the fact that Krampus may have taken away our children, but he did not take away our ability to choose.
Choose by Population. When evaluating outing options, take time to figure out the potential number of attendees. If “the girls” are going out for frosty martinis or gingerbread lattes in settings considered intimate, that’s an easy win. You get festive facetime with a small group of friends, and you get unspoken credit for showing up. But if the gathering is scheduled to be in a large space, with a fire code of several hundred, it’s a skip. Save your social battery for folks who will directly benefit from it, where eye contact might lead to a conversation you don’t mind having, versus one you would stumble through.
Similarly, if your book club randomly decides to host all the other local book clubs for one giant party (+ spouses!), that wouldn’t be any fun for you. Or the spouses. Stick to smaller gatherings where you will know most, if not all, of the people present.
Choose by Obligation. Save some personal space for the holiday festivities you really shouldn’t miss. This includes the office party. No one wants to be that employee who has a reputation for never showing up, it’s bad career karma. Events hosted by the in-laws are also obligatory. Unfortunate, but true. And if you signed up to bring Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes to the school play, you probably should stay and watch the play.
If your neighborhood has a New Year’s Eve block party, it’s simply bad form to be the house with all the lights off. Sure, it reeks a little of “keeping up with the Joneses,” but it’s important to be a cul-de-sac team player. You never know when you’ll need to call on a neighbor for quick and nearby assistance.
Choose by Good ol’ Fashioned Interest. If the event takes place at a new bar/restaurant/neighborhood you haven’t previously experienced, if that friend you haven’t seen outside Facebook in a decade is promising to make an appearance, if it’s something your kids would love and you would thusly enjoy it through them, (if a crush is going), if you really do want to come home from a paint party with a one-of-a-kind “Sweater Weather” wall hanging – these are all solid reasons to respond affirmative. Bonus: Paint parties can feel singularly Zen.
By mid-party, if you realize you’ve depleted your inner extroversion, deploy drastic tactics. Go to the bathroom. Hang out there for a bit. Run outside to answer a call that didn’t ring or feign a text message that needs your immediate attention. Take up chain smoking right away! Most importantly, go home before your Bruce “bah humbug” Banner pops out. Then give yourself grace. Your friends invited you because they enjoy you. Leaving early won’t make them enjoy you less. At least long term.
Choose to Recoup. Even if you’re the host house for traveling family, keep one room (likely your bedroom) an altar for alone time. Pro Tip: If the washer and dryer are separate from common spaces, launder all the things. No one ever questions the whereabouts of the person responsible for clean clothes and linens. Pro Tip B: Acting as chef doesn’t work as well because the kitchen is a magnet for social traffic.
Spend a double-digit number of evenings on your couch in fuzzy slippers, with a good book and a peppermint hot chocolate. Put your Hallmark movie watching shirt on, then watch Krampus instead (circa 2015). Eat all the cookies. Spike an eggnog. Don’t listen to Christmas music. Before you know it, you’ll be ready for holiday outing #8, the town’s tree lighting. Five, four, three, two, one … all aboard!
Nancy S. Moseley is a local freelance writer and a card-carrying introvert. She finds herself “spilling” peppermint hot chocolate on the throw blankets all the time. They aren’t gonna wash themselves, people!
This story appears in the November–December issue of New River Valley Magazine.
